Part two: Finding
by Beatha
Summary: Sirius was searching for a way to reach Remus. Remus is finding peace in a letter and in Sirius’ love.


Title: Part Two: Finding Author: Zoe (annyablack) Rating: PG-13 Archive: SBRL. Azkaban's Lair can have it. Dark side of the Moon can have it too. Anywhere else just tell me. Pairing: Remus/Sirius Disclaimer: Not mine. JK Rowling owns everything Summary: Sirius was searching for a way to reach Remus. Remus is finding peace in a letter and in Sirius' love. A/N: I know I promised this part would be a lot happier, but it didn't work out exactly that way. Well, it doesn't start happily, but it's pretty fun in the end ;-). The Muses work in mysterious ways. I'd like to dedicate this story to my sister for always being there for me. I wouldn't know what to do without her. Excuse my mistakes and Enjoy!!  
  
His six years at Hogwarts had been the best of his life. He had found something he always hoped for, but never expected to receive. Friends. The kind of friends that accepted the part of himself he had no control over, that became animagi for him, and offered him unconditional love. He would give anything for them. He'd die for them. And especially Sirius. Sirius, the thorn in his heart. The friend he trusted the most. The one he confided to. The one that always had time to listen to his worries no matter what. Sirius, who was always able to make his nightmares fade, scatter his fears away, make him laugh. They shared a connection the two of them. It wasn't always clear why. It was just there. Around them.  
  
Being betrayed by Sirius was like... he did not know what it was like. He only knew that it hurt. It wasn't physical pain. No transformation had ever hurt like that. It seemed like he had lost control over his life. He was lost. If this had happened then anything could. He was afraid.  
  
It was already hard for him to open up in the first place, and now he felt exposed. Exposed to the cruelness of the world.  
  
He wanted to forgive Sirius. More than anything he had ever wanted in his life. But he feared nothing could be the same any more. How could he trust him again? No matter how many letters he wrote. No matter how many times he promised to be rational from now on. It was simply not enough. And too soon. He had to try hard and gain back his trust. Remus didn't know how Sirius could be able to, but he wished with every power from the depths of his heart that he would find a way. He just had to. Moony wanted his pack back. And Remus wanted his friend back. His soul mate, because now he knew. He loved him. It was as simple as that. He loved him. And he hated him for ruining their chances. And he loved him.  
  
Three weeks had passed and Sirius hadn't written to him. Remus was wondering what had caused that change. Had he already given up on him? Wasn't their friendship worth the effort?  
  
Sirius seemed so normal. At least with everybody else but him. It was like he was giving Remus space to exist. Like he wanted him to move on. Without him.  
  
He tried to concentrate on his potions essay. Sirius' favorite class. He was studding a few seats away. Remus glanced at him. Sirius lifted his head and stared back, like he had sensed him watching. Remus almost saw sadness and pleading in his eyes before he turned his gaze back to his book. Remus kept watching him. Was it his idea or Sirius was flushing? A couple of minutes passed and then Sirius shut his book abruptly and left the library. A piece of parchment fell on the floor. Remus stood up and picked it up. He hesitated for a while and then unfolded it. It was a letter. For him. A letter Sirius had never sent him. It didn't occur to him not to read it. He just did. It felt like he was meant to.  
  
It was hard to hold back his tears. His head was pounding. He had to find Sirius. He left the library ignoring the curious looks from around him. Where would Sirius go? Of course... To his favorite spot near the edge of the Forbidden Forrest. Remus walked as fast as he could. He scanned the grounds. There he was. Sitting under a tree with his head on his knees. Remus walked slowly his way. He stood above him. Sirius didn't move. The silence was so tense, that Remus couldn't handle it.  
  
"Sirius?" It was a whisper  
  
Sirius didn't move for a while, but then lifted his head and looked straight into Remus' eyes, not bothering to hide his tears. He made an effort to speak, but his voice betrayed him.  
  
"I had no idea" Remus said softly. Sirius gave him a quizzical look.  
  
"The letter. It fell from your book when you left the library. I read it"  
  
Sirius shut his eyes, now understanding. More tears trickled down his cheeks.  
  
Why he never saw how true his regret was? How could he have ever doubted him? Think Sirius had forgotten him.  
  
"Do you mean it?" He needed to hear him saying it. Just hear his voice phrasing those three words.  
  
A nod.  
  
"Answer me" Come on just say it, he thought desperately, please.  
  
"Remus, I love you" came Sirius' croaky answer.  
  
It was Remus' turn to shut his eyes and let his tears glide from them.  
  
"You have to promise me you'll never do something like that again. It's really important, Sirius. You have to promise me." He said, with his eyes still shut.  
  
"Remus, I'd never-  
  
"Promise me" He was now looking Sirius in the eye  
  
"I promise"  
  
It was genuine. It was real. He breathed with relief.  
  
"Does this mean we're friends again?" Sirius asked hopefully  
  
"Friends?" asked Remus puzzled. He thought that Sirius wanted them to be more than friends.  
  
Sirius looked down disappointed "If it's to soon for you-  
  
"I love you" Remus blurted  
  
Sirius froze  
  
"Paddy?"  
  
"You love me?" he managed, not taking his eyes from the ground.  
  
Remus smiled at Sirius' amazement and kneeled to his hight. He touched his chin and forced Sirius to look at him.  
  
"I always did" he said grinning.  
  
It happened so fast, that Remus had no chance to react. Not that he wanted to. Sirius was kissing him. He was kissing Sirius. His heart was about to burst into million pieces. Sirius' lips were soft and salty from the tears. There was a strange warmth in the kiss. Everything fitted perfectly. He felt Sirius' tongue touching his lips. They held each other tightly and kissed thoroughly. Remus clenched Sirius' robes. He didn't want to let go. It was the first time he was feeling safe again. Safe, for being loved like that.  
  
Their lips parted and Sirius stared at him shyly. "I'm sorry. I got carried away"  
  
Remus held him closer. "Don't be," he said firmly.  
  
Sirius tilted his head and smirked "Don't be carried away?" he asked sheepishly  
  
Remus snorted "Don't be a prat and kiss me!"  
  
The last thing he saw before being lost into a passionate kiss was his lover's grinning face. He had finally found peace.  
  
********* I hope you enjoyed it! Kisses, Zoe 


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